The Breakdown
by janesbiotch
Summary: I wanted to do a tag to the recent episode. I'm not happy with it but I decided to share it anyway. I thought they should be a reason why Jane is so crazed now.


**Hello folks here I am with my first ever tag. I can't believe it. I'm doing a tag for an episode and I'm not sure on how tags work or if I should be doing it. I just saw this week's episode and I just had to write something. Cause my boy Jane was wrong but I think that Lisbon should see how he really feels about things. I decided to go with this scenario. Also you know it's me so get ready for the feels and a little hurt/comfort. No beta so all mistakes are mind.**

The Breakdown

Jane

I could feel it. The anxiety of it all. Had I gone to far? Yes I knew that I had gone too far, but the thing was I'd do it again. I'd do it again today and probably tomorrow and it's all her fault. She wanted this, she chose me and I've never been more happy in my life, but she has to understand that I want this. I want this, I've have never wanted to love someone so much since Angela. She was my everything, and I lost her. I lost her because I wasn't paying attention and I was being selfish. Not anymore, and not my Teresa.

Teresa

How could he do this? Doesn't he know how this makes me feel? He is the reason I have this job. I was a stipulation in a game that he is playing. I have to prove myself, I need to prove myself. I know what I'm capable of and what I can accomplish, but how is Abbott going to know if he's there shielding me from danger. He shamed me in front of them all. I needed him to protect me. He sent me out of danger and he thinks that I'm just supposed to "work through it". I love this man so much, and I don't want to lose him, but i will not change my life just to make him feel better. How can he love and respect me and want that? He can't know me if he think that's going to happen.

Jane

The ride back to Lisbon's was quiet. It was the kind of tension that you could cut with a knife. I desperately wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to explain all of this without revealing something I've never told anyone.

Teresa

Since we've become a "we" this is the longest I've ever gone without touching him some way. I need to say something. We need to hatch this out, and have this fight that I'm desperately trying to avoid. Something isn't right He's not calm. His breathing is erratic. He's trying desperately to hide but something is definitely wrong.

"Jane?" she questioned breaking the silence.

She wasn't shocked when all he did was shake his head and look out his window. He was deep in thought and she hated to think about how he was going to manipulate her in this situation. She pulled into her yard, cut the engine, and removed herself from his presence without saying a word.

Jane

He watched her angrily storm into the house. He knew that she was angry and this was it. This was the moment that he either made things right, or worse. It truly was up to him. She couldn't be too angry because she had invited her back to her place. She still wanted to be near him. This was it. She was everything and he didn't want to lose her. It was time to put the cards on the table. Pull back another one of his layers, hopefully in the end she would

Teresa Lisbon walked into the house angrily. How dare he do what he does, and then sits there the whole ride home looking like a kicked puppy? He just wants me to feel for him and take him in my arms, and just... no i'm not going there.

When she walked into the bedroom she couldn't help but smile. He was moved in but all of his stuff was out the drawer that she had set aside for him. She quickly got his bag from under the bed, and began stuffing his things into it. If he wasn't going to put his things where they belonged she would. She was tired of tripping over his shoes every morning.

When he entered the house she coudn't be found. He saw her shoes by the door so he knew that she was getting comfortable. Then he heard her mumbling to herself, it was coming from the bedroom. When he entered the room she was throwing his stuff into a bag. Could this be it? Was she really this angry?

"I"m sorry okay. I know that what I did was the worst thing that a person like me could do to someone like you. It's just, it had happened already seven times!" he explained.

"What are you talking about?" she looked at him confused.

"I know that this is your job. It's always been your job and this is always who you have been. It's different now. I told you how I feel, and this is the happiest I've been in forever. When I lost Angela and Charlotte, you know what that did to me. I never thought that I could feel like I felt for them for someone else."

"I'm a cop. I've always been a cop. I had the safe job behind the desk and you took it from me. You took it because you said that I was better than the sheriff of a small time. You knew my potential and you opened up this door for me. I'm in the FBI and this is a real oppurtunity for me. I need to prove myself and not half ass everything because you are afraid I'm going to get hurt. We've been working together over 12 years, I could've died a long time ago!"

"I will not apologize for keeping you safe. I will never apologize for that! I will not sit around and then have you die right before my eyes. I won't, I can't just stand there and watch the person I love again die!" he shouted.

He turned around. He couldn't face her anymore. He had told her his biggest fear, and he knew that he would have to explain and he was afraid to have to go through that again. He had never told anyone and he didn't want to relive that. To relive something like that, he didn't know if he would be able to find his way back.

There it was again. Something wasn't right. She could see it in the way that he stood. She could see his breathing had sped up again. Something had him all over the place. He needed to calm down. Another thing she had recently learned about him from living together was insomnia, but also the anxiety. He had alot of anxiety.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him taking his hand.

"When we went to the house and that guy pulled his gun. I pushed out of the way as a part of instinct. I didn't think anything of it, but when we get back to the office and i noticed the hole in your blazer. It sank in then that, what if I would have stayed in the car. I would've walked up to you dying. I couldn't look into the eyes of someone else and wonder why?"

"Jane, what are you talking about? Patrick talk to me."

"When I came home. I found that note taped to the door, and when I went inside. She was dead. I guess maybe because she was so young. The shock of something like that happening to her was just too much for her little heart. I always hope that it was brief. That it was over before she realized what was happening. The book, that Angela had been reading, it was still in her lap. They were positioned, they were sitting up against the headboard. Charlotte's little head was resting on her shoulder. It would've looked like she fell asleep during the story if there was so much blood..."

"Oh god..." she gasped. She could feel the bile in her throat. She wanted him to stop, but she feared there was more to the story.

"When i got to the bed she wasn't dead. She was alive. I don't know what he had said to her but she knew. She knew I was the reason this had happened, and she knew that I couldn't save her. The look on her face, it destroyed me. I was there and I did everything that I could to save her but in the end i coudln't. She just looked at me so broken and struggling for every breath. She couldn't say a word but her eyes spoke volumes. Why? Why had this happened? Why didn't I make it in time? Why coudln't I protect her? I couldn't save her Teresa. I be damned if I let that happen to you."

She opened her mouth again to explain to him that she could take care of herselt. She was an officer of the law, but she coudln't. Not after what he had just told her. He had seen the woman he loved die right before his eyes, and was afraid that it would hppen again. How could she not forgive him.

When she looked up into his eyes, she could see how terrified he was. He needed reasurrance that she wasn't going anywhere.

"Oh Jane." she took him in her arms in a loving embrace.

She decided that the talk was far from over, but for the moment she knew that he needed her to hold him. She would, she would hold him until she realized that she wasn't going anywhere.

**I'm sorry. I had such high hopes for this one shot. It went to heck fast and it sucks. I always show my work though so maybe someone will enjoy this.**


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